Monday, May 31, 2010

Minidresses in Las Vegas

I spent Memorial Day weekend in Las Vegas for the first and last time. The last time due to the crowds. Bad economy? What bad economy? The tables were packed, the restaurants were packed, the malls were packed, and the clubs were packed.

Club clothing attire is the topic of this post. I don’t typically go to clubs anymore, since I’m old. I prefer a place to sit, a pint of beer, a jukebox, and NFL on television these days. I’m over ridiculously expensive table service and the thump, thump, thump of the music. But I certainly did my time on the club scene back when I was in my twenties. The clubs were always the place where the skimpiest clothing and highest heels reigned supreme. That is still the case. I hadn’t realized how apparently out of it I was with respect to clubwear until I went to a couple of clubs over the weekend while in Las Vegas.

I saw hundreds of young women wearing mini mini skintight dresses. And when I say mini, I mean of a length that barely covers the buttcheeks and crotch. (Nothing spells hot like a woman stumbling out of Tao drunk at 2 a.m. barefoot, clutching a pair of four inch heels, and wearing a dress that shows off the bottom of her buttcheeks.) One woman at the Christian Audigier club failed to notice that her dress had creeped up two inches and was showing off the crotch of her pantyhose. Another woman was wandering through the Venetian lobby with her buttcheeks hanging out. I’ve seen celebrities wearing these dresses, but here in Chicago I hadn’t seen such a thing – at least not in the quantity I saw in Vegas over the weekend.

To each her own, I suppose. If the 21 year olds of today want to stumble around looking like streetwalkers, that’s their business. (I mean, when I was 21 flannel shirts, Doc Martens, and baggy jeans were in style.) Other people’s fashion choices really aren’t my business. But I just have one question:

How does one sit down in such a dress?

The dynamics of skirts and dresses demands that they ride up when one sits down in a seat. (Seriously, put on a skirt or dress that you own and try it. Then hike it up until it barely covers your butt and sit down. Did you see what happened there?) A dress that barely covers the butt has nowhere to ride up, and there is no dress for the woman to sit on. Meaning? Probably every chair in front of every Blackjack table, Roulette table, Craps table, or slot machine at every casino in Las Vegas has had some woman’s bare or nearly bare butt or crotch on it. This is also true for every chair at every restaurant or club. Gross, right? Is the name of fashion (or picking up a guy) really worth putting your bare butt on a seat somewhere? Apparently so.

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