Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Drinks With The Guys

It's always a little strange to go out for drinks with a huge group of male co-workers.  I am an attorney, and I work in a predominantly male field of attorneyism, patent law.  Patent law is male dominated because most patent attorneys have engineering or hard science degrees.  For some reason, it is mostly men who get these degrees.  I got one, and here I am.  So, there aren't many female attorneys at my firm, much less female partners, like myself.  Yet, I like -- and have always liked -- sports, beers, and going to bars.  Most of my female attorney cohorts either are in a serious relationship or do not like to do these things.  So, I get along quite well with my male co-workers, even though they are men.  In fact, I like the men better than I like the women, for the most part.

I'm not quite sure why I feel this way, but when I'm out with two or three of my male co-workers, it's all fine because it's a small group.  But add three or four more male co-workers to the mix, and then I feel a bit weird about it.  It's like this -- I, the only female, am out and about at a sports bar with seven or eight men.  Big deal, right?  But then I start thinking too much, like I tend to do, and I wonder whether or not I'm normal.  Most of the groups at the bars are groups of women, groups of men, or groups of fairly equally divided men and women.  Not a large group of men and one woman.  This is not a situation where I have any hope of picking up a men -- I am hugely cockblocked.  Nor am I necessarily seeking to find a man when I am having fun with my co-workers.  Yet, I somehow wonder whether they all think that I should be home, married, tending to children, as all of their wives are doing while they are all at the bar with me.  But I view these guys as my friends -- not close friends, but friends nonetheless.  We've all enjoyed many a drink or bitch session together. 

And it's all okay now, because I am still somewhat in the younger range.  I'm 35, not 40, not 50.  I feel like they get it when I tell them I have no interest in getting married, but at the same time I wonder if they truly believe me.  Because what I say is true, and has been true since I was 21 years old.  I don't want to get married.  I've found that I'm happiest when I am not with a man, and three long term relationships has taught me this.  If I were a single man, it would be no big deal.  But I'm not, nor do I want to be a man.  I like wearing high heels, dresses, and wearing makeup.  How boring to be a man.  But the male co-workers I go out with are all in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, and they all still like to drink and hang out.  Will I still be able to do that when I am their age, or will I be viewed as an old broad trying to reclaim my youth?  Why shouldn't I be able to do what they do?  It's all so complicated.

I thought I had a point to make, but apparently I don't...just pontificating here, I guess.         

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