Monday, June 7, 2010

My God, Do I Hate Sookie

 I’m talking, of course, about True Blood. I’ve hated Sookie since the first episode (with Bill running a very close second), yet some of the other characters and storylines interested me, so I kept watching the show. I’m finally caught up through the end of Season 2, all ready for the Season 3 premiere next week.

Beyond Here Lies Nothin’ is the name of the Season 2 finale episode, and my God was Sookie ever annoying. Worse even than usual. Leading up to the episode, Sookie, for the hundredth time, has done the complete opposite of what Bill asked her to do and gone back to her Gram’s house to try and save the day. So let’s see, how did the episode go with respect to Sookie?

Sookie is at her Gram’s house, and has come face to face with a giant egg. Lafayette and Tara are under Maryann’s spell, and it takes at least the combination of glamouring from a vampire + Sookie’s telepathy to get someone out of this spell. This was already established in a previous episode. Sookie knows this. Yet she yells “Tara! Tara!” as if Tara is going to snap out of it, and also tries to talk it out of Lafayette. Shockingly, it does not work. Then Lafayette asks her to put on some stupid white dress, and she does. (I mean, who would try to run in a situation like this?) Then she comes face to face with Maryann.

Maryann is happy to see her, and is wearing Gram’s wedding dress. This pisses Sookie off. (Moreso even than Maryann’s taking over of the town.) Keep in mind that Sookie can’t really do anything to Maryann other than yell at her. This she does for awhile. She then says “I will not let this happen.” What the hell is she going to do? Whenever she gets into any sort of trouble she screams and then Bill is there to save the day. This girl is a complete moron.

Maryann asks Sookie to do this electricity thing she did to her the last time they saw each other, and Sookie tells her she can’t. (Duh, right? Maybe at least try to pretend that you can defeat Maryann with the electrical powers.) But then she tries to do it and fails. Maryann demonstrates to her that she is not a human being because Maryann can’t put Sookie under her spell. Sookie says “I’m a waitress. What the fuck are you?” Stupid, stupid line. Anna Paquin delivers it terribly. They then have a boring discussion about God.

Sookie then leaps to the conclusion that Maryann wants to marry Sam. Maryann quickly disabuses her of this notion, and Sookie finally realizes that Sam is to be the sacrifice, and that she is the bait to get Sam there. Why does every man on this show love this girl? I don’t get it. She has absolutely no redeeming qualities and a terrible sense of fashion. Maryann then puts a wreath of leaves on Sookie’s head. End of conversation. A whole lot of talk from a girl who “WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!”

So, Maryann and the other women all start licking blood off the egg. They tell Sookie to do it, and she does. But then Sookie tells Maryann “She will not be part of anything so evil” and “She will go to the police.” This is the dumbest girl on the planet. The police are all outside with black eyes, and Sookie is just sitting there. She hasn’t even tried to leave. They all go outside. Meanwhile, Bill shows up with Sam, and tells Maryann he will trade Sam for Sookie. Sookie freaks out. (Again, does she not have the sense to think maybe Bill and Sam might have a plan?) Lots of screaming and crying ensues. “Bill, you can’t let her kill Sam!” Seriously? Bill tells her to trust him.

So, Maryann starts the big Bacchus/Dionysius ceremony. Sookie screams when Sam is brought out. (So much for trust.) Sookie screams “Sam, use your gift.” Bill tells her to “use yours.” Eggs stabs Sam in the chest. Sookie screams some more. (Has she fucking forgotten that Bill can heal people? God, what an idiot.) Then Sookie starts crying and Sam starts talking to her through his mind. He tells her to “destroy it.” So, then she gets pissed off, breaks the egg and knocks over the big bull totem meat thing.

Maryann gets pissed. So she starts her shaking thing and all the people start screaming and grabbing their ears. This doesn’t affect Sookie since she is so special. Sookie yells “You’re hurting them!” (I think that’s the point, dumbass.) However, this is enough to make Maryann stop. She dips her hands in the ground and they turn into big claws. Finally this is enough to make Sookie run. She screams “help” as she runs. (“Help” from who? Oh, that’s right, Bill. Jesus Christ.) Maryann chases her.

So, a big old bull looking thing comes out of the trees. Shocker, it’s Sam. He sticks his horn into Maryann and pulls out her heart, killing her. Sookie comes running over to Sam and says “He killed you!” (God, has she even been watching the show?) Then Bill comes stumbling out of the woods, depleted, since he let Sam drink his blood to heal him. Sookie hugs Bill. Bill then apologizes to Sookie “I’m sorry that I worried you.” First, Sookie shouldn’t have even been at Gram’s house. Second, he told her to trust him. It’s not his fault she’s a fucking moron.

Then Tara and Jason wander over and look at Maryann’s body. Sookie then orders the massively weak Bill to “bury the body,” tells Jason and Sam to “get everybody home.” (Why does everyone listen to her?) Sookie then assures Tara that “it’s over.” Please, it’s only 27 minutes into the episode.

Thankfully, we don’t see Sookie again for 5 minutes (at least in the foreground). She’s looking for Bill. Tara apologizes to her for letting Maryann into the house. Sookie hugs her and tells her they are family, and tomorrow they are going to clean the house. Sweet. Sookie then goes to the bedroom and finds Bill, and cheesy lines ensue: “How long until sunrise?” “41 minutes.” “Hold me for 40?” Sure, because he can get back to his coffin in one minute.

Next time we see Sookie, she’s at work. Sam asks her to watch the bar for a couple of days. Sookie wants to thank him for what he did, blah, blah. She hugs Sam. Then some lady shows up with a gift bag for Sookie. She runs outside to open it, and inside is a super ugly purple dress from Bill, with a note for her to wear it that evening. Uh oh, this can’t be good. Then Eggs interrupts her and complains about his lack of memory about what he did. Sookie doesn’t want to tell him, but of course he convinces her. She holds his hands and tries to get inside his mind. “Let me in!” Dork. He remembers killing the psychic woman and tearing out her heart, and freaks out. Sookie tells him “That wasn’t you!” Eggs runs off.

Bill takes Sookie out to dinner. He rented out the entire restaurant. Oh God, this is turning into a freaking soap opera. They then start to dance in the middle of the restaurant to country music. Bill still looks extremely creepy. I mean, yes, he’s a vampire, but Eric looks hot. Bill looks like he has malaria. We cut back to them, and Bill hands Sookie a plane ticket to Vermont. He then hands Sookie a box with a ring in it and asks her to marry him. Sookie freaks out. She can’t say yes. Anna Paquin overdoes it. Sookie runs to the bathroom in tears. It’s quite a rock. She puts it on and looks at herself in the mirror. That gets her smiling. Then she goes back out yelling “YES” but Bill is gone. Someone has kidnapped him. Oh, darn. THE END.

I can’t even believe I just wrote such a long post about a character I despise.


  1. Man, I hate Sookie's guts like no other! And why does she have to be such a bitch? Plus another character I hate is Tara! Or Tiera! Or something... Its that Sookie's best friend...

  2. Tara gets more annoying every episode. She's such a victim.

  3. It's too bad she's so annoying in the TV show. I actually kinda like her in the books. She's smarter than average, creative and unpredictable. Bill, on the other hand, sucks even worse in the books than on TV. I want to drop a silver laced ice cube down his back just to see his frigid, monotonous self dance. But the real horror is what the TV show has done to Sam ... you'll see what I mean when you catch up on season 3!

  4. “How long until sunrise?” “41 minutes.” “Hold me for 40?” Sure, because he can get back to his coffin in one minute.

    Love this post. I don't hate Sookie in particular but everything that happens in the show makes no sense.

  5. I completely dislike Sookie and I think True Blood is racist. I think the writer must put herself into Sookie, because it looks like Sookie writes the book (and series), as everybody loves her (both main vampires, the boss, the werewolf... every male white straight character beside her brother!) everybody behave as she is so smart and sexy, when truly she is just so stupid, selfish, spoilt child... a pain in the arse!

    You can see the racism when you compare the character of Tara and Sookie... While Sookie still a virgin, Tara is asking her boss for no commitment sex. While everybody loves Sookie, not even Sookie's brother that is a sex maniac wants Tara. While Sookie had a loving grandma, Tara has a drunk crazy mother... Is it enough or should I talk about the sex scenes difference also?

    Anyway, Vampire Diaries is by far better! Elena is a good character, her best friend is a black girl that is sexy, intelligent and sweet witch. The reason why both vampires like Elena makes sense... and not everybody loves Elena, there are also love left for the other female characters.

    True blood style is different and even more interesting than Vampire Diaries, but maybe it would be better if it was written by another person. The woman that writes it is probably a redneck!

  6. how stupid are you to make something like that racist ? i wasnt even thinking about the skin colors until you mentioned it. open your mind and stop thinking in boxes.
    oh and yeah sookie is the most annoying self centered bitch that pisses me off in every scene i see her in

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