I’m pretty self sufficient at work. My secretary faxes and mails things for me, makes my travel arrangements, arranges court reporters, and does filings for me, but generally I don’t ask much out of her. So, when I do ask her to do something, I expect it to be done correctly.
On Monday morning, I asked her to hop on the Internet and make me a walking directions map from my hotel to my deposition location. Since I'm unfamiliar with the city the deposition was in, I just wanted a close up map that showed some of the street names and so I knew whether to turn right or left out of the hotel to get there. No big deal. I specifically said the following: “I need to make sure where I’m going tomorrow morning.” Thought it was all pretty clear.
She handed me the map and directions and I put it in my file without really looking at it. I mean, it was such as basic thing to do that it didn't really occur to me to double check it. This was the wrong decision. When I woke up on Tuesday morning, I looked at the map and something was wrong. She had mapped me directions from the deposition location to my hotel. The exact opposite of what I asked her to do, and something that frankly makes no sense. If I’ve managed to get to the deposition location, I can probably figure out how to get back to my hotel.
Obviously this wasn’t the end of the world. I’m fully capable of reversing the directions, and that’s exactly what I did. But I was still baffled, because she’s done this type of bizarre mapping before. Back in the days before I had a Garmin GPS device, I used to have her print me directions from airports to hotels and things like that. One time, since I was flying in the evening and landing at around 9 p.m., I didn’t specify which directions and maps I needed. I mean, anyone with any logic can determine my usual path when I am traveling out of town for deposition. Airport, hotel, deposition, airport for one day depos; airport, hotel, deposition, hotel, deposition, airport for two day depos. In this particular instance, I also failed to check the directions before I got on the plane. When I landed, I saw that she had given me directions from the airport to the deposition location. Really? Did she think I was going to take a deposition at 9 p.m.? Why would I ever be going straight from the airport to the deposition location at 9 p.m.? Again, bizarre. So now I try to make it abundantly clear which directions I need, since obviously she is incapable of any type of logical thought. And even when I do that, it still doesn't work because on Monday within five minutes she either forgot what I asked, or confused the hotel address with the deposition address. Either way, it’s really fucking annoying.