I'm sitting here tonight (at home and snuggly in my pajamas, thank God, because Friday nights, been there, done that), trying to decide what to get my mom for her birthday.
My mom has everything. She has no filter at all when it comes to shopping. If she likes it, she buys it. So, there is never any list of "things mom wants" or anything like that. She loves jewelry, but she has a ton already. She loves shoes, coats, clothes, makeup, everything fashionable. My mom is quite the hottie for a soon to be 61 year old woman. She. Just. Has. Everything. Which, of course, makes her impossible to buy for. Well, not impossible. I know what she likes. She likes all the same stuff I do, since we have absolutely identical taste in everything. (Weird, right?) So, I can buy her a wristlet or a bracelet or whatever I would like to have, and I know she would love it. But, she has all this stuff. In triplicate. So, I like to try to think of unique items to buy her.
She used to be an astronomy teacher, so I once had a star named after her in the Star Registry. She thought that was pretty neat. I know the Star Registry is kind of scammy, but the framed certificate was really nice.
Another gift that I totally surprised her with requires a brief story. She and I took a trip to Boston together, and we wandered into this Indian shop that was filled with beautiful rugs and statues and all kinds of neat stuff, and there was a small elephant statue type thing in there made out of a bunch of minerals and such (she knew all the minerals, I've long since forgotten, since that is not my thing), and she loved it. It was very pretty, I will admit. However, it was around $250, so she opted to not buy it, since she already has so many statue type things sitting around her house, and since we had already both just spent a crapload of money in New York. About three months later, I was in Boston for a deposition, and I happened to walk right by that stupid store, so I went in there, and they still had it, so I bought it for her for Christmas and totally surprised her. She was thrilled to get her little elephant, which I've been told I get when she dies. (My mom always says this stuff to me now..."When I die, you get this." While on one hand I don't like her to talk that way, on the other hand, I like to know this so I can inform my siblings. I have also informed her that I get her beautiful marble coffee tables. She informed me that she wants me to have them. Morbid, right?)
I also purchased her first, second, third, and only wristlets, from Coach. She loved them, but I played out the Coach wristlet thing. I need a new game. I also got her a Coach bracelet one year just because it was so her. I saw it and just had to buy it for her. It was her, you know?
I should really learn, because when I see something I like for my mom, I buy it for her, and ship it to her immediately. I have to learn patience, because I could just hoard up these items and save them for things like her birthday and Christmas and all that, and then I wouldn't be sitting here a mere six days before her birthday trying to think up something monumental. Well, it doesn't have to be monumental, but it has to be something. I bought her no birthday gift last year (with many apologies) since I had just spent a boatload of money on the home I am now sitting in and went through this "I can't spend any money now" phase. I'm over that, thankfully. It was all a totally ridiculous kind of false panic attack.
The other problem is that my mom chooses to not be technologically savvy. She could be -- she is certainly smart enough. Yet, she chooses not to. So, while I would love to send her a Wii + Wii Fit (since she retired she is into walking and working out), there is no way in hell she would ever hook it up to her miniscule television set (that's another issue, but I'm not about to buy her a bigass TV yet). Nor could I send her an iPhone, an iPod, an iPad, a Kindle, or anything else cool like that. So, it's fashion, makeup, or jewelry. Or some other random thing. I can't even buy her shoes anymore, because although we wore the same size for my entire life, apparently now her feet have "spread" so she wears either an 8 1/2 or a 9 (which is great for me, since I get all her 8s), but it depends on the shoe. So.
This is my dilemma.
I'd like to buy her a Gucci beltbag (a.k.a., the Gucci fannypack) so she could use it while walking, but I don't particularly want to spend $400 right now. I mean, I just wrote a $50,000 check, so I'm not exactly floating in the dough. And I can't buy her anything labeled a fannypack, because my sisters will make endless fun of me. They would not make fun if it was Gucci. (Ha, ridiculous, right?) LeSportsac has some kind of cute ones. Would that be weird? I do think she would use it, though, so I might just go there. So ha, 1982! I'm right back with you!
Ugh, fuck it. She's getting the Gucci fanny pack. I mean, the woman who is my whole reason for being on this planet does not deserve LeSportsac. She deserves the Gucci. And I can totally afford it, even though I am in the same "oh my God I can't spend any money now" flim flam I was in last year at this time due to the $50,000 check. For God's sakes, I can afford it.
I'm so dumb sometimes.