Thursday, November 11, 2010

Does No Kids, No Marriage Really Mean Anything?

I've been struggling with the above question, thanks to the advent of Facebook.  I didn't think much about it before I created my profile and started friending people from high school and college and law school and all that.  But now, I get all of these "look at how cute my kid is" and "look at my beautiful wife" and all this family shit.  Most everyone's life now is through their children.  Their posts are about their kids.  The photos they post are all about their kids.  Everything is about how wonderful being a parent is.  And it makes me truly wonder how they look at me.  Now, I am not a person that really cares what anyone thinks of me, but yet...

You can't help but wonder.  These are people who know nothing about the many past relationships I've been in, the possible marriage opportunities that I passed by, who have no idea that I am where I am (single and without kids) mainly through choice.  Do I want their lives?  No, I don't.  But that doesn't mean that I might not want another type of life of my choosing with a partner and possibly a kidlet.

See, I always knew I wouldn't get married.  I wasn't someone who dreamed about it or wanted it -- I wanted a career, and I wanted to make a shitload of money.  That's what I wanted.  And hurray, I got it.  And I -- personally -- don't care that I am not partnered up yet.  Yet everyone else seems to be on a spree of wanting to be partnered up.  I don't get it.  I just don't care about that.  The only reason I care about it -- honestly -- is that people think I'm weird that I'm not married or with a serious boyfriend.  People do think that now.  And I think WHY?  Why does it matter?  Can't I just be a cool person on my own?  Why is it required that I have someone attached to me who can vouche for my coolness?  Can't you just see that I am a cool person on my own?  Do I need to just hire a stand in, maybe an out of work actor who could fill the role?  I mean, why does it matter?  If I was a man, it wouldn't matter so much, because he would just be a bachelor.  But a woman?  I'm a lesbian, even though I'm not.  That's what everyone thinks.  Why should it be that a 30 something year old successful woman who chooses to be single is automatically a lesbian?  It shouldn't be.  And my coworkers know better, and my friends know better, but a lot of other people think that.  It's hard to just be single and happy about it in our society.   

That's why we haven't had a President in eons who is a bachelor.  It matters.  I hate this societal bullshit.  It's very bizarre.   


  1. All the marrieds with kids probably envy the hell out of you. The stay at home moms will look at your single successful life as glamorous and carefree (of course, you have your own stresses) but they made their choices and you made yours. Instead of just seeing it as simple choices, they turn the envy into scorn and assume you're lonely and missing out on the "joys of motherhood".

    My still single friends are jealous of the ones with families and the stressed moms are envious of the singles going out for drinks and not being woken up by crying babies every night. I think it goes both ways and to hell with anyone who talks down to you for your choices and success!

  2. I guess it does go both ways. I just can't help but feel judged -- or maybe they want me to join their world of misery...LOL.