I can't believe I just had to type those words.
She had a very rough night last night, and the infection spread throughout her organs. This morning she was taken off life support, and died soon thereafter, on her two week birthday.
I'm devastated, shocked, angry. I don't know how my sister and her husband will get through this. Even the thought of attending a funeral for a newborn is enough to make me want to throw up. I can't believe they had to leave the hospital without her, when this all started on a simple check-up with her pediatrician. One week ago she was at home, eating, happy. Now she's dead. I can't even bear to look at her newborn picture, because I can't stop crying, and when I think about her cute little Christmas dress my sister had her in, and that my sister is going to have to go home and stare at the little pink room that they decorated and the piles of new baby clothes people had sent her, that the baby never got to wear. My heart is absolutely breaking right now.
All I can think is why? Why her? Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't the doctors save her? Why doesn't she get to grow up? Why?
This kind of thing happens all the time, so I'm not sure why I thought my family would be immune. There are blogs upon blogs written by mothers talking about their children with heart defects and other disabilities, many of whom end up dying. A healthy baby is indeed a blessing.
At any rate, I will likely not be blogging for at least the next week or so, because I will be with my sister and family. Most of what I blog about around here seems kind of meaningless given what has just happened. But, I will be back at some point. Life has to go on.