Thursday, March 31, 2011

Things You Get Screwed on When You Are Single Without Kids

1.   Tickets for events where the cost of 2 tickets is less than double the cost of 1. (i.e. one ticket is $20, two tickets are $30 and that kind of thing. Sure you can bring a friend or a date, but why should you have to?)

2.   Work hours. You are expected to travel more, work later, and work holidays because you don’t have to run home to a kid and a spouse. You also don’t get the “easy” excuses of “I have to leave early to go to Little Johnny’s school play.” “I have to go shopping” or "meet my friends for dinner" doesn’t sound nearly as important to anyone, even if it is very important to you.

3.   You never get any wedding gifts or baby gifts, even though over the years you’ve spent hundreds or thousands on these types of gifts for friends and family.

4.   At Christmas, once everyone starts only “buying for the kids” you end up with no presents at all, since you have no spouse or kids who buy you presents. Your siblings forget about this, even though you spend hundreds on their kids each year on birthday and Christmas gifts.

5.   Your friends who have kids don’t realize how immensely boring it is to go on and on about diaper brands and baby clothes brands while you are having lunch or dinner.

6.   You are expected to find the antics of children “adorable,” even when they are misbehaving in public. You are considered bitchy and selfish if you don’t.

7.   Taxes. (Duh.) No marriage deductions, no children deductions, and if you die early, no one can claim your Social Security, even though you spent years and years paying into it. Also, if you die, your estate gets taxed a lot more because you can’t leave it to a spouse if you don’t have a spouse. You also only get half the capital gains exemption when you sell your house that a married couple gets. Nice.

8.   You can’t take advantage of “family discounts” for consumer products, club memberships, restaurants, or at stores.

9.   You pay more for auto insurance. I’m not sure how not being married makes me any more likely to run into a guard rail, but for some reason it does.

10.   It’s perfectly acceptable for other people to extensively question these personal choices, even though you would never dream of putting someone through the wringer because they voiced their desire to get married or have children. Also, get used to the look of horror when you explain that you don’t want to get married, you don’t want to have children, and you like your life the way it is. People think there must be something wrong with you. Also get used to people assuming you are a lesbian.


  1. You brought up a lot of things I've never thought about. You really do get screwed!

  2. I realize this is YOUR blog, but I just had to respond here and give you another way to look at things...

    1. Look, you and I both pay $20 for our ticket. If my husband's ticket cost $10, remember that means I still paid $10 more than you had to, even if I get to bring my husband. And I DO have to, so I don't really have the option of paying $10 less like you do.

    2. We may not be working on the same thing, but don't make the mistake of thinking that while you're at work I'm home with a glass of wine and Jersey Shore. There are some jobs that wake you up at 3 AM because they require immediate attention. Parenting is one of them, and it's a hell of a lot more than 40 hours of work a week. So maybe this one's a wash, hmm?

    3. Sure. On the other hand my wedding (and my child) cost a hell of a lot more than the value of any gifts I received. (Also more than the total value of like gifts I've given to others over the years.) Also a wash.

    4. Do a Secret Santa then. Each adult gets one other adult, and each child gets one other child (so you end up not having to buy for kids). If it's not about buying for others, but more about what you get in return, then just do the Secret Santa for adults and everyone buy for all the kids.

    5. Interests change. If it's boring to you, it's on you to tell them. There are other boring topics besides just kids by the way, that's not a "parent" thing it's a "why are you friends with someone you find boring" thing.

    6. By WHO? Who one earth has told you that you must find a misbehaving child "adorable" and called you names because you didn't??? That person is clearly delusional. Or is this something you expect of yourself? If so, ease up. Not even parents find all children (or even their *own* children) adorable all of the time.

    7. I'll give you that one. Write your congressman. It's one reason I support gay marriage, because it's so clearly wrong to deny legal benifits to people over what is basically a religious restriction. Any two people should be able to enter a legal union that gives all the legal benifits (including taxes) of marriage.

    8. On the other hand you're also spending a lot less. Wash.

    9. They're not penalizing you because they're biased you know. They go entirely by statistics, not any sort of gut "married people just MUST drive safer" nonsense. If you're married you're apparently statistacally less likely to get in an accident. Because you're accountable to someone else? Because you drive safer with someone else in the car? I dunno, but there's something. Still, you do pay more, so I supposed I'd give you this one too.

    10. It most certainly is NOT perfectly acceptable for other people to extensively question your personal choices. Any more than it is perfectly acceptable for people to say, "So when are you having a kid?" (Or "another kid" if you already have one.) Or question your parenting choices. (And they do. Oh GOD they do. Perfect strangers accost me in public pointing out my parenting deficiencies because it's 50 degrees and my son isn't wearing gloves or something.) This is NOT unique to the non-parenting, single set. People are f'ing rude sometimes, and it's nothing to do with any choice or lifestyle you lead.

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    2. Oh look a married person got their panties in a bunch and wants to defend married people! You have to be kidding!!

      "If it's not about giving, then have a secrest Santa". You sound like one of those insensitive married idiots who act as if we single people are not made to feel obligated to buy gifts for your kids, your spouse and you on Christmas and Birthdays, then on Christmas and on our birthdays, you buy one gift that represents the cost of one of those many gifts you've recieved throughout the year and put the entire family's name on it. You, I, and everyone reading this knows you have single people in your life that you do this to year after year and now when a single person mentions it you try to make them feel guilty by talking about spirit of giving" F off you selfish narcasistic idiot!