Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I Haven't Abandoned You!

Wow, has it really been nearly six weeks since I updated?

Eek..oops...that is no way to keep people coming back, now is it?

Obviously I've been busy.  I taught a class again in early January, have been flying all over making extremely impressive legal arguments (ha!) and went with CTF to meet his family and friends for a week over Christmas.  Oh yes, I am still in a relationship.  Can you believe it?

Seeing as how I’ve cleared the four month point of the relationship, met the family and friends, and survived the exchange of “I love yous,” I guess I can safely tell you a little bit about CTF without feeling like I might jinx the entire thing.


So, let’s start at the beginning. We met at a Meetup.com event. I absolutely love Meetup.com. I feel like it’s opened up a whole new world of new people and things to do. There are a few groups here in Chicago I’ve found that I really enjoy. It's like a constant barrage of fun things to do filling up my Inbox.  Oh, joy!  At the outset, I joined in order to meet some new girlfriends, since all my girlfriends are having kids, so their free time is lacking. And dammit, I still like going out and having brunch and happy hour drinks and dinners and dancing! How do you meet new friends when you hit your 30s? It’s hard when you can’t just meet people through Mommy & Me class and things like that. So, Meetup.com! What a fabulous invention. And through it, I have met new girlfriends. I also – without even expecting to – met CTF. 

We met at a bar type mingling event toward the end of August. There were around 50 people who showed up, and I was in a particularly talkative (for me) mood that evening. I spoke with most of the people there at one point or another, and CTF briefly when we were walking to a different locale. But then, at around 11 p.m., I was kind of getting ready to pack it in for the night, and he sat down next to me at the bar, we started talking, and the next thing we knew it was 3 a.m. Time really flew by. I liked talking to him, and he seemed fairly normal and nice. He admitted to me later that he wasn’t looking for anything either, so before we left it was with some surprise that we both kind of said “Oh, this was fun, we should probably exchange numbers.”

For whatever reason, I agreed to share a cab with him. (I never do this with men I just meet, but I figured the cabbie wouldn’t let him butcher me in the backseat or anything like that.) When we got to my place, he completely took me by surprise by kissing me. That took some courage! I did not invite him in. In fact, he was leaving the next day to travel for 2 weeks on business, and I was going on vacation pretty much immediately when he returned, so…I didn’t expect to ever hear from him again.

But low and behold, two weeks later – on the day he told me he was getting back to Chicago – he called me. As I mentioned, I was leaving for vacation for two weeks, so I told him I’d just call him when I got home and we could get together. Throughout my vacation, I texted him a few times. Just funny, lighthearted stuff. He liked this a lot.

So, when I got home at the end of September, we had our first date. And, it’s progressed quite textbook since then. After about a month, he asked for exclusivity. “I love yous” came at three months. We see each other 2-3 times a week usually. (He travels for work during the week fairly often.) I went with him out of town at Christmas to meet his family and friends. It was our first time traveling together, and it went fine. Six straight days together did not prove to be a burden at all. In fact, we have a surprising amount in common. Best of all, he doesn’t annoy me at all. (Yet…lol.)

The thing is…it’s all been so easy. I had forgotten how relationships are supposed to be. It shouldn’t be stressful, hard, or leave you wondering. He’s never let me wonder how he feels about me, or what his intentions were. He calls when he says he’s going to call. He gives me my space when he senses I need it. (I’m an introvert, so I do tend to need my alone time, and I told him this fairly early on.) It’s so nice. He’s 46, never married, no kids, and….there is nothing wrong with him. I always considered it a red flag when I met a guy in his 40s who hadn’t been married or had kids, but CTF has proven to me that sometimes all of that just doesn’t work out for very logical reasons. He’s had relationships – he’s been engaged – but it just didn’t work out. Huh. Sounds like me. And God, it is so awesome to not have to deal with a guy who has kids and crazy exes. In fact, we often discuss how nice it is to wake up on Saturday or Sunday morning and have absolutely no responsibilities. We can do whatever we want – go to a museum, go shopping, watch TV, wander around the city, eat brunch, anything. And we do.

It’s interesting to date now, at age 38, when my goals are so much different than when I was in my 20s. I’ve pretty much decided that I don’t want kids. I’m too selfish. There is little about raising a child that is appealing to me right now. (I don’t mean to sound bitchy by saying that, but it is how I feel. My life is fantastic right now…a child would vastly change it. Would it be worth it? Parents say yes. I’m not so sure. I’ve never had the burning desire for children, so why would that change now?) Even marriage I don’t care about anymore. It seemed more important when I was in my 20s. Marriage is important if you want kids – but since I don’t, now it seems more like a piece of paper. What do I have to gain by getting married? Certainly there are legal reasons to do it, but marriage isn’t the goal for me. I want a committed relationship – someone to eat brunch with on Sunday, to travel with all over the country and world, to share a glass of wine with on Friday night, to watch bad reality television shows with, and to simply spend time with. I don’t want drama. I don’t want fights or arguments. I just want companionship. I’m not looking for the father of my children.  So, for right now things are very good.  I like how compatible we seem to be.  I'm not under any illusions, however.  I realize that we are entering "the bloom is off the rose" phase now, where things will either pan out or not.  At any rate, it's been a fun ride so far.

The only real negative is that we’ve been doing a lot of eating and drinking. I’m still maintaining my weight at 125ish fairly well, but I really have to put a lid on it or I could end up back where I started!